Saturday, July 31, 2010

Hello, Purple Dinosaur

You know how sometimes everything is just so perfectly planned (up in your head), and then you make a split second decision that deviates from the plan? I tend to do this a lot. Mainly this happens because I feel the need to overplan all the little details of my life. Also this happens because I am cheap, but I still want things.

I intended to buy a Babland vibe when I went back to school so that I could keep the whole shebang away from my mom/family who are all incredibly nosy. But then Babeland had a sale. And so I just did it . . . I bought the lovely vibe that I had been eyeballing and had it delivered to my house. I told my mom it was a present for her so that she wouldn't open it. When it got to me, I opened the box and hid it in my closet. My mom looked for it the next day when I went to work, but thank-you-baby-jesus! did not have any luck finding it.

Here she is.
So, I'm sure you want the juicy details now. I bought the G-Ki made by a company called Je Joue (French for I play). It's purple and waterproof and silicone and adjustable and so, so nice. It pulses and buzzes, not silently but not too terribly loud either. Even the box was beautiful. I haven't used it much because my bedroom is very close to my parents'. However, the trial runs were very successful, and I am quite pleased with my spur of the moment purchase. It makes me feel a sense of take-charge power. It makes me feel good (haha....) about owning my own sexual desires. Last year this time, I could barely talk about masturbation nevermind imagine myself owning one of these, and now I do. So, yay for empowerment.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Jessica the Friendliest

Lax. I know. I really did have intentions of posting regularly over the summer, but somehow it just isn't happening. Oh well. I'll at least fill you in on my job for the summer; I work at Ross Dress for Less.

I go by Jessica there because I thought I'd create an alter ego to further perpetrate the idea that this time and space is limbo until I go back to real life as Amber. Unfortunately I had no idea how many people think it's acceptable to shorten Jessica to Jessie. I'm pretty sure that I visibly cringe every time someone does that. Jessie. Jessie?! Jessie plays softball, has a severe country (southern) accent, long dirty blond hair, and enjoys the comforts of Crocs. So not me.

Anyhow, sometimes I'm on the cash register, and sometimes I do markdowns. I've done the fitting room once, and nearly died of boredom. Also, the fitting room has to answer to phone when it rings and the following is Ross' idea of an appropriate greeting: "Hello, this is Ross on Woodruff Road where we deliver the treasures every day. This is Jessica speaking; how can I help you?" DELIVER THE TREASURES??? Yeah, ok.

Also, yesterday, Ross decided that I was the friendliest associate they had, and so I have a new name tag that says Friendliest! at the top. Yippee. I'm not sure whether this is a compliment to me or a testament to how low Ross' standards of friendliness are. And now I have to wear this tag for the next month until I leave and return to life as Amber.