Oh, buddy. So, Alison Piep. just emailed me an old draft of a SURF grant application so that I could take a look. Of course she sends me the one that she worked on with a student who apparently looks very similar to me (I have been told this repeatedly by several people). Oh, and of course that student's transcript was included: 4.0 GPA. President of this, that, and the other. Honors student. Presented at SEWSA. Generally agreed to be brilliant.
So, this lady pretty much has me beat on most fronts. She even has better hair. I don't want to be compared to that; I can't measure up! I think this is what performance anxiety must feel like.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
One of the reasons that I have been avoiding posting new blogs is because I am trying to avoid this becoming yet another outlet for whining. Sometimes, whining is all I feel like doing on any given day. Anyway, so much stuff has been happening, so here is a medium-short list:
- Alison Piep. and I are applying for a SURF grant this summer to work on her next book. When she asked me, not only did I emit a certain freaky glow and squeal of excitement, but I also wanted to ask her - "Wait a minutes, are you really sure you want to work with me?" I know that I can play the grade game at school; I can be successful without really learning and utilizing the kinds of analyzation that are actually important skills for later in life. But, am I smart enough to work on and contribute to Alison's work? Who wants to disappoint their own hero? Not me. I have been assured that everything will be fine, but some doubts are more persistent than others.
- I have decided to study abroad during the fall semester of my junior year. In South Africa. Because of their semesters, I'll be leaving in early July, and not returning until the semester ends in November. I found a school with a really cool gender studies program, but also a very interesting history. The University of the Western Cape was built during apartheid for people of color as a tech school. Apparently, the social stratification put in place years ago is still there, and the university has a lot of students who are poor Black Africans. Oh, and did I mention that I would be away from Ashley for SIX MONTHS?
- I feel routinely stressed out by this semester. I will almost certainly be making three A-. The work load is so crazy; every time I make a dent in it, it cycles over and the process begins all over again. My weekends are dedicated to cooking and cleaning followed by hours and hours of homework. What else am I supposed to do? My minimum effort takes all of my time and leaves me feeling emotionally exhausted and stressed. I really can't wait for this semester to be over. It doesn't feel good to devote all my energy to school, and have no social life. How exactly should I meet someone if I'm never anywhere except work or my dorm? I think I need to figure out a better balance in my priorities because this is just not working for me.